its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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