She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
two words: eviction party
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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