I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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