Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
