Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
