and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
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I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
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I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So apparently I’m into choking now
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