More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So vagazzling was a success
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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