I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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