why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
