Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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