Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
