I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
