I must be too annoying 4 u.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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