i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
