Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
