She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
