My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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