I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
