I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
