Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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