My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
