Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
