I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
