he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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