I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
