So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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