nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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