I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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