Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
