He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
