Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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