I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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