K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
