i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
