Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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