Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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