i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
