I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
