Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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