There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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