honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
