do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
