glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
