Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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