I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Need sex. Gaining weight.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
