just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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