This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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