It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Randomize
