Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
