I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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