Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
