omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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