woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
