dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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