I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Actions speak louder than pants.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
