She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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