I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
