D3 body, D1 cock
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
