Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize