The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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