1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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