yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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