I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
