They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
