Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
