mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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