I wanna bring you to show and tell
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
