No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
