he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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