Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I have post one night stand depression
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